me.

 
SO WHAT if I spend tonight dancing in my rec room to random songs that make me feel like I could fly?
So WHAT if your memory no longer makes me cry?
So WHAT if I don't need you anymore?
So WHAT if I love myself for an evening?
So WHAT if I want to lie on the ground in my pajamas instead of cleaning?
So WHAT if I put up an away message just for the sake of feeling loved?
So WHAT if I'm the only one who does?
So WHAT if I kiss my own shoulder?
So WHAT if my hair is some sort of random fluffball?
So WHAT if I'm just another teenage girl in pink shorts and an Old Navy tank?
So WHAT if everything is lovely?
So WHAT if I want to call people and say "HEY I love you!"?
So WHAT if I don't NEED a guy?
So WHAT if I'm in love with nothing?
So WHAT if I can't really fly?
So WHAT if my baby sister will always be my baby sister?
So WHAT if I laugh through tears for no reason?
So WHAT if I want to feel it all?
So WHAT if this isn't about you anymore?
So WHAT if I've never even seen breakfast at tiffanys?
So WHAT if I know I'm okay?
So WHAT if I know I always will be?
So WHAT if I found myself?
So WHAT if I cuss but pray?
So WHAT if I'm happy?
So WHAT if I'm never satisfied?
So WHAT if my toenails are purple?
So WHAT if it's hot in herre?
So WHAT if the phone never rings?
So WHAT if I am happy?
So WHAT if I am in love with nothing?
So WHAT if...
So WHAT if...
so what if it really does all work out with time?
So WHAT if this is all for the best?
So WHAT...
it is.

posted by Teresa at 10:48 PM

 
at this point im just angry
which makes things worse, not better, damn you
DAMN YOU
for all of this
just get out
just set me free

posted by Teresa at 5:41 PM

 
Note to self:
Sometimes, the trick is to care, and sometimes, it's NOT to care a bit.

As Elbie said, I'm not gonna GET any more closure, and "He's like your pack of bib cards with your thesis on top and nothing else".
And as DD said, you're not gonna GET honesty from him! "He's not being honest with HIMSELF".
And as Steph said, "The whole situation just needs some chill space".
And as I am saying..."AS HARD AS IT IS,
YOU NEED TO GET OVER HIM!"

Anorexic men don't eat chocolate cake, and never will.
And I can't let him have his cake and eat it too.
I won't allow it.
Someday my prince will come...and I'm not going to be a lonely princess.
I'm going to be MYSELF while i wait.
~~always~-*Tess*
;-D
posted by Teresa at 5:03 PM

 
Miamigirl1288 [12:32 AM]: i dont want to bother you but can i talk to you?
ChrisV958 [12:33 AM]: what do you mean?
Miamigirl1288 [12:33 AM]: can i ask something?
ChrisV958 [12:33 AM]: sure
Miamigirl1288 [12:34 AM]: when did things change? or...why?
Miamigirl1288 [12:34 AM]: i feel that i should say sorry cuz i know that you just want to keep going and that you probably shouldn't have to answer me but...there's so many questions that still run around in my head.
ChrisV958 [12:35 AM]: uhh.
ChrisV958 [12:35 AM]: i dont know...one night in HHI, to tell you the truth.
ChrisV958 [12:36 AM]: i just woke up in the morning and realized i didn't need a girlfriend.
ChrisV958 [12:36 AM]: nothing against you.
ChrisV958 [12:36 AM]: it would have been anyone.
ChrisV958 [12:36 AM]: but i wasn't gonna lie to you and pretend everythings ok, either.
Miamigirl1288 [12:37 AM]: of course not
Miamigirl1288 [12:38 AM]: and i wouldn't ever have wanted you to
Miamigirl1288 [12:40 AM]: i don't know, every time we talk now it feels so much like i have to force it. and i guess really that's all i wanted to know.
Miamigirl1288 [12:41 AM]: is how things changed so fast
Miamigirl1288 [12:42 AM]: so thanks and goodnight, for the second time
ChrisV958 [12:42 AM]: thats how i am i guess...lo siento.
ChrisV958 [12:42 AM]: goodnight
Miamigirl1288 [12:42 AM]: don't be sorry
Miamigirl1288 [12:42 AM]: and its just how i am, that i ask all these questions
Miamigirl1288 [12:43 AM]: lifes just easier for me when i make as much sense out of it as i can so i do what i have to do
Miamigirl1288 [12:43 AM]: talk to you later
ChrisV958 [12:44 AM]: adios
posted by Teresa at 1:15 AM

 
I don't know, ya know?
I'm trying with all i've got to understand but i DONT
i DONT understand how i could have made you so happy, but you still don't want me
Why don't you want me?
I dont know, I don't know anything.
I'm here you know I'm here but you don't reach out
Knowing what you have to do doesn't make it any easier to do it.
I'm so mixed up
I just have to move on
but god it kills me
chris varner i may have loved you
chris varner, i'm afraid i must inform you that if your goal here was to break my heart well...you did.
i want you back so much
just to have you here
in my arms
my oh so empty arms
i still care, just as much, don't you see?
i KNOW i have to move on
i KNOW you're never coming back
but i can't get you out of my head
I have to stop caring.
about you.
it's not that i'm not OKAY now, it's just that when i think about what we had i want it back so much
why is everything so painful?
i don't understand
explain it to me!
give me some closure!
i just want to ask why things have to be like this
i bet you're hard to get over
cooome back
just say something to make it okay
i care about you so much, i can't deny it.
i can't.
i dont know what to do with all of this inside of me
i want to be happy! dont you see that?i know you do
im faking it
in hopes itll come true
but god its not working, its times like these when i realize its not working
come back!!!!!!!!!!


posted by Teresa at 12:42 AM